On Edge

I swear if one more person asks me when I'm going to get married I am going to scream! Yes I'm almost 25, yes I'm working towards my career goals, yes I've been in a serious relationship for over a year and yes we live together. NONE of that,however means that I am ready for marriage and all that it entails. I DO NOT want to get married only to wake up 5 years from now completely unhappy bc I rushed into a marriage I wasn't ready for. From prior experience I know exactly what happens when I become unhappy in a relationship, I CHEAT. Yes I have no problem w stating that I have never been faithful and No I'm not proud of it, but I am able to admit it because it's who I was not who I currently am.
Women love to say niggas ain't shit, but as a woman I must say we sometimes ain't sh!t either! I have been the ain't shit girlfriend. The gf that smiles in your face and lies without blinking. The gf who wanted my cake, ice cream, bannas and a strawberry on top while expecting my significant other to be completely faithful. I was that person UNTIL I realized that I was doing more of a disservice to myself and my significant other than anything else. It really soaked in for me when I started to see how badly cheating can break two people in a relationship.
Recently a good friend of mine, let's call him Ray, and his on again and off again gf of 6 years "Amy" broke up bc of repeated infidelity. Ray had had a child with another woman a year into his relationship with Amy and she forgave him and stayed w him. Ray continued to cheat over and over and over again but still claimed he "loved" Amy and that he was committed to marrying her. After 6 years Amy decided she could no longer take anymore. She reached her breaking point and walked away from the relationship and hasn't looked back since. Ray was DEVASTED. As his friend I was shocked at his devastation. I mean what the hell do you expect? You won't keep your penis to yourself so why should she stay with you? Now he see's the error in his way and regrets it. But at this point it was too little too late and Amy has moved on with her life.
Witnessing all of this as an outsider made one thing clear to me, mistreating the people we love is the worst thing anyone can do! The hurt and pain can last a lifetime and at the end of the day those seconds of pleasure are not worth losing a lifetime of experiences with the person you love. If anything that situation scared me faithful!
Yes I was a cheater, but Ray and Amys situation taught me that cheating causes nothing but pain and drama and KARMA is out to get us all. Like R.A. says I'm trying to live peaceful and send out many blessings to all! The key for me was evaluating why I cheated and most of the reasons were stupid. The adrenaline rush wasn't worth it. I realized that I couldn't say I truly loved my significant other if I couldn't be faithful to them. Love does not bring pain, but joy and that is what I have committed to doing. It's a learning experience in itself but the journey has made me grow into a much better woman.