Dawson and Joey

Well if you really know me, you should’ve seen this one coming. I just want to give notice to the one true love of my life. Crystal Noelle Johnson. She is and will always be the number one lady (other than Rachel Johnson) in my life. She has been there with me through most of the toughest and lowest points of my life. Honestly, she might be the only female that I have loved unconditionally. This is my best friend for those who do not know this name. Now when I say this, I mean it in the truest and most endearing form possible. I can not remember a time when we were together that we were not 10 inches away from each other. In high school, people tend to forget that I was dating her cousin, they used to think we were dating! It was kind of funny though. One of the most vivid conversation I remember having with my high school sweet heart was about Crystal’s and my relationship with each other. I told her, “Yes I love Crystal more than you. After we break up, she still will be there with me.” To this day she has never left my side. Me and Crystal have a plan for life. Basically here’s the plan. If we get married, NOTHING CHANGES! Her husband will eventually come to the understanding that it’s his role to make her happy the best he can, BUT it’s NO replacement for me, as well as my wife. Does this type of relationship hinder us from dating other people? Hell no. I will say this though, if she does not approve of someone I dated, it usually didn’t last. She can just read the women I date. She’s okayed maybe 2 people that I’ve talked to. She tries to come off as intimidating to the women I get romantically involved with. It’s really funny because she’s really not that tough! I remember her coming to my apartment on day in college, I had someone over. She walks in, looks at the girl, then walks into my room and closes the door. I thought it was the funniest thing ever. She did not greet the girl nor gave her the chance to greet her! Crystal is a bully! Her favorite line “Who is this chicken head in your apartment?” She swore I only messed with “Chicken Heads”. I remember our freshman year she told me her little cousin was “OFF LIMITS”. Now I had the biggest crush on her cousin. She was clearly my type. Light skinned, smart, beautiful, great since of humor and did I mention beautiful?! As soon as I told Crystal I had a thing for her cousin, she went into big sister mood! “No, you’re to immature to date her” She as always was right. Years later me and her still have this same relationship. I have rarely liked anyone she dated. Maybe 2 of the guys she has talked to I approved of. The sorry ass dudes that I told her were sorry asses, they stuck around longer than I would’ve liked, but she woke up. When my grandfather passed, she was the 2nd person I called. The only reason why she was number 2 is because it was late at night and I knew she would be just as hurt as I was. When I say my grandfather loved her, he loved himself some Crystal. My family loves her to death. My uncle Anthony calls her “Brown Sugar”. High school graduation was a very awkward day for me. For graduations, Rachel Johnson goes into full grandmother mode and throws parties. Now through out my graduation party I had to explain to everyone EVERYONE that Crystal was not my girlfriend but my BEST FRIEND, while my GIRL FRIEND was there at my party as well! Yea, awkward. I think during college is where our relationship hit a new level though. Well for me anyway. It started the day in high school where she told me she was going to USC. Honestly in my mind, I think she stayed in state for me. Not to sound conceded. Let me give you my reasoning so you can see it from my point of view. Our senior year, our college plans were to go to schools in the same area. Crystal’s school of choice was Maryland. So of course, like the “GOON” I am, I asked her what’s the black college nearest Maryland. HOWARD was her reply. So that was our original plan. She was to attend Maryland and I was to attend Howard. After slacking on my applications my last option that presented it’s self was Benedict. Now here’s something you might not not about Crystal. She was one of the top ATHLETES in South Carolina. I’m going to keep it real. She was robbed our senior year as female athlete of the year! She received several offers from other schools. USC was one of those offers. After I told her that I got an offer for Benedict to play football, she was still debating on Maryland and other schools. She chose USC over Maryland. Honestly in my heart believed that she choose USC over Maryland so that we could be together. Now I could be wrong, she could have been sold on USC after her visit. I just believe our bond is that strong. College was great time for us. Having my best friend play for a D1 university was one the best experiences ever. Home games when I did not have to practice, I would attend with one of my teammates and watch her play. The cool thing about Crystal, she accepted my friends for who there were. My friends and her teammates where NOT of the same up bringing, I’ll just simple put it like that. She would invite them to parties that she had and it would be a very interesting time to say the least. I remember during our freshman year she cut her hair, she knew how I felt about her and her hair. I stopped talking to her for a month! Then she had the nerve to hit me with the most overly used line by women “It’ll grow back”. Honestly that probably was our first fight that lasted that long. I can not ever remember not talking to her. I would go over to her dorm room and just fall asleep. I remember in high school when my grandparents went out of town, she would come spend the night. Our first dinner together we TRIED to fry chicken. I’m just going to leave it like that, TRIED. I can proudly say that Crystal Noelle Johnson is going to be a Doctor in 2012! I can not wait! 1. Cause I have not seen her in close to 2 years. Yes it’s been that long since I have physically seen her. I totally understand the sacrifice she is making to attain her dreams and her goals. I have truly found my soulmate in my best friend. She understands me completely and judges me not at all. So to my best friend, my soulmate Crystal Noelle Johnson I LOVE YOU STUPIDHEAD.

Trust vs Love

This morning it was a tweet that caught my attention. So I retweeted as so: RT @MrRAJohnson: RT @BrandNu11: TRUST is a big thing, right?< I’d put trust 3rd. 1. Love 2. Attraction 3. Trust::. I honestly believe that you love someone before you trust them and not only do you love them before you trust them, your love blinds your trust. It was one of my followers who totally disagreed with me. Matter fact, it was two of them. Now personally, I know them, but I don’t know their relationship history, but I can guarantee that in their past relationship that they loved some so unconditionally that TRUSTED their partners to be faithful. Now my question to these two young ladies… Are you dealing with someone new in your life or is the very first person you loved? Trust can come and go and it has to be earned. Love grows. In a realistic sense, you can lose trust but once you lose love, it’s over. For those who think trust is the most important thing in a relationship, I respect it. I just don’t agree with it.

Are Hoes Really Out Here Winning?

I think before we tackle the question at hand I think we must first define the affectionate term hoe. I will add the declaimer that this term can have different meanings to different people and that both men and women can be hoes, however bc I refuse to be a man basher I will only focus on women. I personally do not think the number of partners you have automatically deem you a hoe, I do, however believe the quality and circumstances in which you find these partners can make you a hoe. As a woman, I believe that some of my female counterparts have NO respect for the gift God has given them. They are willing to give into everyman they meet: married, single, whatever. Additionally i think age plays a large factor. To be promiscuous at the ages of 18-23 is called being misguided and experimenting with your sexuality, but to proudly call yourself a buss it baby and to willingly be a side piece at 25+ gets a HUGE side eye from me.  You obviously are lonely and have no love for yourself. At some point the sleeping around gets lonely. 
I know this from personal experience. It's coo to believe you can sleep with any man you want, I mean men aren't complicated creatures when it comes to sex, but do you honestly want to hold yourself to such low standards?I became fed up with the promiscuity at 22. I will say sleeping around does have its thrills, but after a while sex becomes just sex. Even good sex starts to become meaningless and less than enticing. I always prided myself in being able to separate sex from love but after a while I wanted my sex to be an expression of love. Unfortunately you can not do that if you're sleeping around. It comes back to a saying me and my bff coined "Its not about who your fucking, it's about who's waking up and going to bed with you every night. It's about who will consistently be there thru the good and bad ". The probability of finding that while sleeping w 2 or 3 men is slim to none, so I decided that I would take on a self imposed "celibacy". I place it in quotations bc sometimes you need that ole thang back. I basically decided I wasn't going to have any more partners until I found someone who could possibly fulfill the requirements of being there during the day and night. Me doing this came to a shock to several of my friends. However, it wasn't difficult. I just decided to put my energy into other things including me,myself and I. When I did stumble upon someone who could take on that day and night job, I made the choice to put energy into that. It has paid off pretty well. I won't lie and say that my life is rainbows and butterflies now or that temptation doesn't still present itself, but what I will say is that I am in the learning process of understanding self control. I think it has to do with knowing your worth. When you know what you deserve, you refuse to lower your self worth. That holds true whether your single, dating, or in a relationship. So back to the original question...are hoes really out here winning? In my opinion definitely not. Former free spirits may be winning, hoes always find themselves on the losing and lonely side.  

A Piece of My Mind

I have struggled immensely with figuring out who I am, better yet how I fit in the world. My therapist told me that I am overly introspective. I take on everyones pain, try to fix it, and struggle to find a voice for myself. I wholeheartedly agree. I am a black woman who has found herself in a unique position. I've had the opportunity to experience various socio-economic classes in America. I grew up lower-middle class with friends who were either lower-middle class or in poverty themselves. College took me to the world of the upper-middle class and was an experience that changed my life.


I never realized how poor, how uncultured I was until I went to college. Yes my parents did create experiences for my brother and I that took us out of our neighborhood, but it wasn't until college that everything was placed into perspective. I was the exception not the rule. The fact that I ended up at a prestigious private university while many of my peers did not made me unique. This experience made going home difficult. Once your eyes become open to the bigger picture, it is hard to see and accept close-mindedness. NW Indiana, particularly EC is filled with people who have never travelled off their block, let alone city, state or country. By no means am I bashing or under-minding where I'm from. I love my home and know that experiences in my childhood undoubtedly shaped the woman I have become. However, one becomes aware of this and starts to understand the hopelessness and depression many people back home suffer from even if they don't realize it. If you're never allowed to see the world, then your world becomes small. You begin to live in a state of a deferred dream. I often pray and hope that whatever God has in store for me involves helping people realize that regardless of what you're situation may be, your dream never has to be deferred.


I thought when I graduated college that I had seen it all. That I was "cultured". I had successfully prevailed in an environment that was foreign to me without assimilating or losing my "blackness". Again I was fooled when I moved to Atlanta for grad school. Atlanta is black Hollywood. The young black elite (and ratchet) flourish here and that was something I had never seen. At the same time I was in an academic program at a high class prestigious private university where I was the token surrounded by foreigners of european and Asian decent. Their ideal of what American and what Black American is, was deeply tainted by the media. So I had no choice but to become a poster child. I often wonder do white americans ever feel the pressure of being a poster child or representative for their race. I've had so many people tell me I shouldn't feel that way but it's difficult when you're constantly conscious of your blackness. I love my blackness and think it is beautiful but I often feel the double vail that W.E.B DuBois writes about in Souls of Black Folk( if you haven't read this book I recommend it). I think my current experiences in grad school have started to make me upset w black folk. Why? Bc honestly the world is our oyster yet we often chose to blame others for our demise. Maybe I'm insensitive but in 2011 there are no excuses to not become successful. Yes I know the system is screwed up, but at some point we have to take a stand and take responsibility for the state of our community! I believe that the roll of the talented 10th( whether they exist or not is debatable) is to help the other 90% which we deem "blind". Everyone has become so self and money centered. What good is it to have wealth if your wealth or riches fail to help someone else? I'm starting to ramble so I think I'll end with this: I am a black woman trying to find herself in a chaotic world that before I am born has wrote me off BUT in the words of Zora Neale Hurston:

" I AM NOT tragically colored. There is no great sorrow dammed up in my soul, nor lurking behind my eyes. I do not mind at all. I do not be long to the sobbing school of Negrohood who hold that nature somehow has given them a lowdown dirty deal and whose feelings are all but about it. Even in the helter skelter skirmish that is my life, I have seer that the world is to the strong regardless of a little pigmentation more of less. No, I do not weep at the world!!I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife."

Sex vs Love

I am currently single and yes I openly admit to “talking” to multiple women. One thing I totally over is lying. I am up front with everyone I “talk” to. My twitter page is a perfect displace of my relationship intent. I rarely use my DM. I prefer to put everything out there for everyone I’m dealing with to see. Now, I have told a few women that I do like them, which is the truth. I like multiple women. It’s only a few of the women that I do like that I would actually get into a relationship with. Commitment aside, I have no clue why I continue to attack the whole relationship thing this way. Maybe I don’t want, maybe subconsciously I’m not ready. Then I send out texts and BBMs to women, some in relationships already with every intention of making this person like me, purse me and fall for me. You will be surprised how many of my followers I have “pursed” and have pictures in my blackberry. Not bragging, just being honest. The whole Sex vs Love issue is something I no longer struggle with. I can now clearly detach all emotion, feeling and romantic interest from someone and have sex with her. Sex isn’t something I get into a relationship for. This might come as a major shock, but I don’t even count my partners anymore. It’s pointless. One of my friends asked me a couple weeks ago, “R.A. how many people have you slept with”. My response? I had none. I stopped counting a long time ago. This also has affected my thought process on Love. My past isn’t one of the cleanest in the world when it comes to sex. No, not std wise, I’ve been blessed enough to NEVER have one. It’s just that some of the acts I preformed and “adventures” that were had sexually in my 26 years are some that would shame most people. For a lack of a better term, a hoe. I had sex for rent money, no, seriously, among other things. True story, before the picnic in 08’ I went to one of the female’s apartment I was dealing with, NOT MY Girlfriend’s, had sex with her, then asked her for money for the picnic. Don’t believe me, ask my LB. That’s just one of the more PG13 stories. Do I regret having to do these things, not really, hell, I was having sex, I was good at it and at the end of it all, I was filling a need I had at the time. I haven’t had to live that life style in a couple of years and do not plan on going back. Finding love is what’s been my mission for the past couple of years. Sex is something that I’ve had a lot of, I know I’m not missing out on anything if I go without it for ia few. Hopefully I’ll be able to find it soon, Love and Sex.

Chemistry

As I’ve stated before, I’m a chemist and I’m working in my doctorate. Sounds fancy huh? It’s not, it just means that I pretend to work long hours and get paid next to nothing in order to make the next big scientific discovery. The odds of me discovering something big is slim to nothing. I have better chances hitting the lottery. I like to describe my “experience” as a grad student as a mixture between slavery and indentured servitude. My boss, a Welsh man, has undoubtedly NEVER met, talked to or been around a black woman and my coworkers mostly white and asian men find black women scary and a big mystery. To say the least, I have become the poster child for black women all over the world….lucky me… I spend most of my days drinking coffee, pretending to do research and reading the “latest” scientific literature. Boring huh? Yes, This has been my life for the last 3 years. Smh I will hopefully be given my freedom papers in 2013 then I can become a pompous asshole and force everyone to call me doctor. The fact that my “job” is boring is not why I hate it, I hate it because of the arrogant assholes I work with. The problem with scientists is that they ALWAYS think they are correct and are constantly trying to prove how much smarter they are compared to someone else. It’s like ive died and gone to geek heaven. Now don’t get me wrong I am a certified geek, I just happen to be cute and have people skills :). But the vast majority of my peers are awkward and have no idea what is happening in the world outside of the lab we work in. I am convinced we need a reality show called “The Secret Lives of Chemists” bc these ppl are a mess. Professors dating students, grad students sleeping with undergrads, and professors sabotaging other professors careers. All of this in the name of science, which they consider God. Now don’t get me wrong, I love chemistry, I love science, but I refuse to make it my life. Some of my coworkers and profs have left their wives and children all bc they love chemistry that much. I’m sorry but chemicals can’t do what a man can and I’ll leave it at that. I know one day I will look back on all of this and laugh so I try to see the bigger picture. Grad school is temporary but the degree and knowledge I gain from it no one will ever be able to take away from me.

The Power of Forgiveness

We have all been taught to forgive and forget. But I wonder how many of us have truly practiced it? I know myself that I am guilty of saying I forgave someone but constantly beating the fact that I haven’t forgotten their actions over their head.

Example: It has taken me years, literally years for me to forgive my ex of something he said to me back in 2006. (I realize that was 5 years ago) He said, and I quote “You are not the one” At the time I was 19 and that crushed my entire world. For a long time I held those words against him and because of that allowed for our entire relationship be dictated and deteriorate because of my inability to forgive and forget. 5 years later I can happily say that I have forgiven him and forgotten the transgression because I realized that I was allowing words and actions stifle my emotional growth. Today we are actually good friends and know that our own immaturity killed our romantic relationship, but our maturity has allowed us to develop a healthy platonic relationship (yes it is possible for exes to be friends and not sleep together!!)

Nevertheless I find myself today in another situation where the challenge of forgiving and forgetting has presented itself. This time, while the transgressions are worse, I am learning to think more logically and less emotionally before I proceed with action. I am learning that it is easy, really easy to walk out on someone who hurts you, whether it is a significant other,friend or family member, but it takes true resilience to forgive that person. The forgetting part will undoubtedly take a long time, but I think it is the responsibility of both parties to actively patch things back up and facilitate the forgiving. Now let me say that by no means does forgiving and forgetting mean that this individual must remain a part of your life, but what it does mean that you can forgive and forget from afar. The power of forgiveness is the freeness (emotional,physical,ect) we receive by letting go! Holding on does nothing but keep the pain in your life. LET GO! Now I do say this with caution. If you decide to allow for this person to remain in your life you should get to the root of the problem in order to prevent future issues. But at the end of the day LET GO AND LET GOD deal with things. We are not put on this earth to judge, so let he without sin be the first to cast a stone. My goal for the weekend is to forgive anyone who has ever hurt me, whether they are aware of it or not. And to start the process of forgetting their wrong doings. Now imagine a world where everyone forgave and forgot, even their worst enemies….

Daddy's Home

First and foremost growing up without a dad wasn't all bad. Yes there are still times where I watch a movie, walk in the mall, or end up in public places watching the interaction between father and son and wish I had that. When I was younger, I learned early that "Dad" is a term I would never had the pleasure of using. Growing up with little male authority around made me kinda create an oppositional defiant behavior. I acted out in school, especially with male teachers. Now, my mother did marry my sister's father, he left when I was in the 7th grade. Again, showing me how a MAN, a FATHER, a DAD was something that was not suppose to be apart of my upbringing. I can say this, the men that were involved in my life, my uncles and my grandfather did a very good job of substituting, a very good job, but they were not my father. Here's what I know about my father, and I use that term loosely for this blog, only as a way to identify the man who impregnated my mother. He is a 40 something year old man. No, I honestly do not know his birthday. Never cared to. He has 2 other children, my older brother and my little sister. He is not married. He caused my grandparents to sell their home in Great Neck, NY because he failed to upkeep the house. In my whole athletic career he has seen me play a total of 5 games and even that is being VERY generous. This guy, not a man, other than that, is a total mystery to me. My little sister is growing up with someone I never knew. I promised myself this, I would never, NEVER speak ill of my father to my baby sister or would I say anything degrading about him in her presence. When she is old, if she asks me "Why do you and Daddy don't speak" I will tell her about the "father" that I know. This past fall, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Surgery was around Thanksgiving. Did I call? No, I honestly was not concerned for this man's life. My ONLY concern was for my sister. IF he had died, how she would have to grow up without a father so young. Does your opinion of me change now? This man has been nothing to me my entire life, so his death wouldn't have shook me one bit. I can honestly say, if he died tomorrow, I wouldn't shed a tear. As I write this, I realize that I'm holding on to alot of anger and bitterness to my father. He was my greatest influence growing up. You want to hear something funny, he attended the same college I did. He didn't finish, I did. He had kids before 23, I didn't. Everything he did in his life, I did the opposite just to prove to myself that I would never become him. To give you a better understanding of where all this comes from, here's the most recent of many stories. This past winter my little sister calls me and we're talking. KC is 6. Yea, I have a 6 year old sister. She's talking to me about what she's been doing in school and what she wants for Christmas. Then she asks me "Brudder, do you still want your Legos?" I paused. Now, KC and I have never had a conversation about LEGOs before. The only people in the family that knows or remember that I used to love them are my uncle, my grandmother and my father. Now in 1994 my father, who promises the world, but delivers nothing promised me a LEGO castle set. Never seen it, never heard the reason why I didn't receive it. He just laughed it off and I never got it. My uncle and I had a conversation in 2002 about my father. During that conversation, I explained to my uncle that me and his brother would never be close, never be anything more than just two people with the same last night. The LEGO comment I made to my uncle was this "And I still want my damn LEGO, we aint gonna be cool til then" My uncle tells my father this, he calls me about it or asks me about it during that fall. I told him yea, I still want my LEGOs. Now again, this was way back in 2002. Fast forward back to 2011, this petty, bitter old man tells my sister, who is completely unaware and innocent to the fact of our relationship or lack there of, asks me "Brudder, do you still want your LEGOs?" This man for whatever reason knew the only way he could get to me was through his daughter of 6 years of age. I just told KC, "No KC, i dont want them". After I hung up with her, the first thing I did was call Rachel J. I explained to her to tell her son that NEVER to involve my sister in OUR business. Just the thought that he would even use her that way pissed me off. As usual, Rachel was defending her son with no logic. I've come accustom to her defending him. Everyone makes excuses for him not being there as a father. Does it hurt? Hell yea it hurts knowing that your father did not want to be apart of your life, but I will say I am grateful in a way. I learned how to be man living through it all. I learned what not to do from that guy. He showed me every way to fuck a kid's life. I swore to myself that I will NEVER be the Father to run out of my kids life. The only way I will not be in my child's life is DEATH. So while this war of no wars continues with me and him, I grow in age and set in my ways. Will me and him ever speak again, it's highly unlikely. I just know, I have an obligation to my son, my daughter to be a better father than I didn't have. I might not have said it as a child, but I'll hear it from my kids. "Daddy's Home"

On Edge

I swear if one more person asks me when I'm going to get married I am going to scream! Yes I'm almost 25, yes I'm working towards my career goals, yes I've been in a serious relationship for over a year and yes we live together. NONE of that,however means that I am ready for marriage and all that it entails. I DO NOT want to get married only to wake up 5 years from now completely unhappy bc I rushed into a marriage I wasn't ready for. From prior experience I know exactly what happens when I become unhappy in a relationship, I CHEAT. Yes I have no problem w stating that I have never been faithful and No I'm not proud of it, but I am able to admit it because it's who I was not who I currently am.
Women love to say niggas ain't shit, but as a woman I must say we sometimes ain't sh!t either! I have been the ain't shit girlfriend. The gf that smiles in your face and lies without blinking. The gf who wanted my cake, ice cream, bannas and a strawberry on top while expecting my significant other to be completely faithful. I was that person UNTIL I realized that I was doing more of a disservice to myself and my significant other than anything else. It really soaked in for me when I started to see how badly cheating can break two people in a relationship.
Recently a good friend of mine, let's call him Ray, and his on again and off again gf of 6 years "Amy" broke up bc of repeated infidelity. Ray had had a child with another woman a year into his relationship with Amy and she forgave him and stayed w him. Ray continued to cheat over and over and over again but still claimed he "loved" Amy and that he was committed to marrying her. After 6 years Amy decided she could no longer take anymore. She reached her breaking point and walked away from the relationship and hasn't looked back since. Ray was DEVASTED. As his friend I was shocked at his devastation. I mean what the hell do you expect? You won't keep your penis to yourself so why should she stay with you? Now he see's the error in his way and regrets it. But at this point it was too little too late and Amy has moved on with her life.
Witnessing all of this as an outsider made one thing clear to me, mistreating the people we love is the worst thing anyone can do! The hurt and pain can last a lifetime and at the end of the day those seconds of pleasure are not worth losing a lifetime of experiences with the person you love. If anything that situation scared me faithful!
Yes I was a cheater, but Ray and Amys situation taught me that cheating causes nothing but pain and drama and KARMA is out to get us all. Like R.A. says I'm trying to live peaceful and send out many blessings to all! The key for me was evaluating why I cheated and most of the reasons were stupid. The adrenaline rush wasn't worth it. I realized that I couldn't say I truly loved my significant other if I couldn't be faithful to them. Love does not bring pain, but joy and that is what I have committed to doing. It's a learning experience in itself but the journey has made me grow into a much better woman.

Unthinkable

A lot of Black Women get the misconception that I'm only dealing with White Women at this point in my life. I'm here to set that part straight. I am dealing with ALL WOMEN. I have recently openly started dating other races after having experiencing my first interracial relationship with "Khloe". Now I have had sex with white girls before, but dating and in a relationship, nope, never. In my 26 years of dating Black Women I've learn that they do have a prejudice against other races dating "their" men. When I first entered a relationship with Khloe it was a lot of backlash about it.  Nothing really major, just some of my black female friends would say little slick comments about her or us. It never really phased me, but it made me aware that even now, some people are very uncomfortable with interracial dating. On my twitter account @MrRAJohnson I do overly attack black women and their insecurities about me dating outside my race. I openly admit to enjoying it. It's just that I'm at the point in my life were I'm into ALL my options. I refuse to limit myself to only a small demographic of women based on the color of MY skin, not theirs. Some black women have even came out and said that "You're disrespecting you mother" in reference to me dating outside my race. Hearing this statement, I paused. Is this really something Black Women say to Black Men in chances that they will stay in their race? I don't even see how someone of the same race could compare finding love outside their race as DISRESPECTFUL, and to someone's mother? That statement did not detour me from continuing to date outside my race, it just opened my eyes to the fact that Black Women are becoming more and more bitter to losing "THEIR" men to "OTHER" women. Now having a conversation with some Black Women, they really don't have a problem with interracial dating, it's just DATING WHITE WOMEN that they have a problem with. Spanish, Latina women have been excluded from their, for a lack of better word, hatred. Even after me explaining that Khloe was of product of multiple races, my black female friends still only seen her as WHITE. Since Khloe I have not be in a relationship, but I do continue to engage with dating outside my race. I also STILL date within my race as well. To me, LOVE isn't a color. It's a feeling. If I feel a connection to someone, then it's not a problem what race they are.I New Years I kissed an Asian girl. My first Asian to be exact. Why? She was cute. Would I date her? Yes, well no, she was a little to drunk and hooked up with another guy after I turned my back, but you get the point. Race is a factor that do not equate in my mind when searching for LOVE. So Black Women, will I continue to date outside my race, YES. Will I continue to date Black Women, YES. My current "crush" is someone of multiple decent as well. She's a very pretty girl, who is very personable, funny, caring and did i mention beautiful? For privacy reason, we'll call her "Angel". It's certain circumstance that prevent me from actively pursuing her, but RACE is not one of them. So to everyone reading. Don't let RACE factor into LOVE... it's a factor that doesn't compute. I will say this though, there are some Black Women who do not have a problem with interracial dating and encourage it, but I have only met a few.

Do you have any spare change?

"Change that we can believe in!" I believe that was one of the slogans from Obama's campaign. I've thought about that statement a lot, especially these past few months when people told me they were in the process of "changing their ways". Should I believe in their change? Better yet what the hell is change and how do we come to believe in it?!?
These questions were partially answered for me when I took a trip to Houston to visit my linesister. (note yes I'm Greek, but that does not define me and I don't think it's important to disclose my affiliation). In the midst of an emotional turmoil I found myself in Houston hoping to party away my stress w alcohol and goodtimes. Instead I found that the best part of my trip was not the alcohol, weed, or random fun w my friends but instead it was a church service we attended that Sunday morning.

At a time when I felt detached from everything in my life I found myself in a service where the pastor was preaching about Transformation. For all intents and purposes I believe that change and transformation are closely related, better yet interchangeable. The pastor preached from Romans 8 40-51. The passage(which I suggest u read) speaks about Jesus coming into a town and being asked to come heal a mans sick daughter. On his way to do so a woman w an ailment touched Jesus robe. At that moment she was healed. Jesus felt power go out of him and asked whomever touched him to speak up. When she did, Jesus told her it was her faith that healed her. Jesus goes on to heal the sick girl even when most thought she was dead.

The basis of that story and the pastors lesson was that we cannot be in the presence of Jesus and not be transformed. As Christians we should pray for others(intercession) but also pray for ourselves. Sometimes we have to touch Jesus(like the sick woman) and ask Him to transform us.
Transformation(change) takes place when we love ourselves enough to initiate our own transformation. Nobody can pray for you like you can pray for yourself(faith) bc when you go for yourself there are no barriers. God already knows your shortcomings, so you cannot pretend or hide anything.

Change that I can believe in is the change and life that Christ offers us all. Change like love starts with self and all things good and perfect come from God. So I believe that the change any of us can undergo must from come from us humbling ourselves before God and asking him to transform us! This doesn't mean that after asking for this we just wait on God to move , this means that we have to make small and large changes in our daily lives.

For me, my long term goal is to become closer to Christ by reading and listening to the Word. My daily goals include being more positive and trying to find ways to better my health both mentally and physically. I turn 25 in a weeks, I want To be the best Annie I can be, so I have to make the changes I need to make in order to do so. Next week, after I get over this cold, I am starting my healthy eating and living goals to go along w my spiritual goals. I hope you all are ready to take this ride with me. :)

Love: Vol I

Looking for love these past 2 years has been a journey. If you want the real reason behind the drastic move from the South to Middle East (Coast) of course, you guessed it, it was over a girl. For a bit of privacy, lets just call her "Khloe". During the post war fall out of WWIII between me and my last Ex, Khloe was a pleasant surprise. She helped me focus on something else besides the unsettling depression of post graduation unemployment. We had made plans of a life together with in the first month of our, whatever it was. Hints the name "Khloe" plus she did look like a real life Kardaishan... tall, beautiful and nice ass. After the a few months, there was no way you could not tell me that me and her wasn't PERFECT for each other. I was dealt a raw deal by one of my roommates at The SkyBoXXX (it's what we called our apartment) and had to move back in with Rachel J (Grandmother). That wasn't the move I wanted to make. November-January 2009-2010 had to be the lowest of lows in my life. During it all, I still had Khloe. Now here's a curve ball. WE NEVER PHYSICALLY MET BEFORE. Well not exactly. In high school, after my school won the high school football championship 2002 we got to tour the State House. That same day years ago, she was there. She ended up talking to one of my teammates, but all this was unknown to either of us until 2009. That was the first encounter. Now want more randomness??? I thought I first saw her on Myspace. Yea, yea, I know. So I added her. Ready for the kicker??? SHE IS THE MOTHER OF ONE OF MY CLOSET FRIENDS GOD DAUGHTER!!! Now, my friend has been trying to introduce me to her since we were in college, but Khloe was always at the beach or not a school when I would go visit. So that's 2 chances of Khloe and I meeting before all our chatting on the phone and texting (which I love to do). Well after a rough Winter, February rolls in with an opportunity of a life time. The chance to relocate to Maryland!!! To me it was a no brainer. I would be closer to Khloe and I would have a better chance of landing a job. So after talking it over with her, WE decided that it would be the best thing for our "relationship" for me to make this move. So over night, I packed a bag, hoped in the car with my teammate who was visiting for the weekend and went to go live with him in Maryland. Needless to say it took me 10 days to find my current job. Khloe was happy, I was happy, but WE STILL HAVENT PHYSICALLY SEEN EACH OTHER. So the week after Valentine's Day, she bought me a ticket to come see her and the girls (Did I mention she has 2 beautiful little girls?). Well, to some up the weekend... Dinner with the fam, taking the girls to daycare, family life suited me. The last night on the trip, things changed. She was distant and cold. I'm sure you're guessing where this is going. On the train back to DC, we broke up. The real reason is still unknown to me. But again... Love escapes the best of us, I'm no different. Do I miss her, often I do. Do we talk now, no we don't. Sometimes I think what if, but most of the time it comes and passes. I wish Khloe the best if you're reading this, kiss the girls for me. n

Nothing Left to Say

Well since everybody has a blog, why not jump on the bandwagon? Maybe this will help me and R. A. become famous, maybe not, but either way I hope that my journey as a 25 year woman trying to find her way through life proves to be both entertaining and helpful. So lets get thru the introductions: I'm Annie a 24 (almost 25) year old woman currently living in the A but from East Chicago, Indiana. I'm a chemist working on her doctorate, I recently decided I no longer want to be a research chemist but rather promote science through other modes outside of research. I plan to open a Science and Math Academy after finishing my doctorate and I hope that this blog helps me with my goal setting both inside and outside of my career. Ill leave you all with my thought for the day: Life becomes hectic and change becomes imperative, but it's up to us to be the change we want to see in our lives and with that there is nothing left to say.......

Welcome to the World of:

Well people... this is the first step in the new wave of blog entertainment. This can also be a crash course in self discovery if you let it. "Change isn't Easy" is a behind the scenes view in the personal life of me... R. A. Johnson and my beautiful sister who will introduce herself later, because right now, it's all about me! Daily stories of self improvement, or lack there of, will follow... random thoughts, ideas and comments will be coming at anytime. With me, what you see is what you get. A 26 year old black male raised in the SOUTH... Georgia and South Carolina to be exact. A Southern Gentleman to the fullest. Now people have been known to call me alot of other things as well, but I'll let you form your own opinion. Mini bio: Graduated college in 2009, recently moved to Maryland where I currently stay in a place referred to as HELL'S ISLAND (stay tuned daily to see why). I work with at risk youth in DC/Maryland/Virgina area. I party hard with my closet friends. I am professional BBMer, Sagittarius and life long "Dawson's Creek" fan. High school played football and track and field. Mother died when I was 15 years old, which is self explanatory why I have commitment issues with women. Oh, don't let the "Dawson's Creek" fool you, I'm STRAIGHT. Frat boy, if you will, but Pretty Boys or NUPEs are what we're better know as. No kids... let me repeat.. a 26 year old black male with a degree in Marketing, working, smart, funny, handsome, athletic and NO KIDS!!!!!! soooo, if you think you're in for a wild ride... you pretty much are. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF